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29 June 2010 @ 07:11 pm
This night was anything but ordinary. On the drive back to Dianna and Parker’s the girls were buzzing with stories from the club. Questions were darting from front seat, to back seat, side to side, and all over the place.

“Parker, what is this that you and Kevin already knew each other? When did you meet him? You were all over each other tonight, I thought you might leave with him.” Dianna’s eyes were focused on the road, but she could hardly concentrate. She felt it might be more polite to wait until they got home, but she already felt dreadful enough that she’d nearly ignored everyone but Lea again. Her eyes shifted to her right for a quick glance at whom she considered to be perfection reincarnated, then quickly back to the road.

“It was a few months ago…” She drifted off, but all eyes were on her, probing for more information. What can it hurt? They’re all going to find out anyway. “It’s who I was telling you about earlier.” Dianna’s eyes widened as if she’d just seen a ghost, a heavy gasp leaving her lips. Her head shot back at Parker, then back to the road once again.

“The guy?” is all she could sputter out. Lea was completely lost at this point, shrugging at Jenna to help her out.

“Kevin told me that you had an amazing night together after a Lakers game?” She asked as if she didn’t already know the answer. Kevin and Jenna had become fast friends, which seemed to be a pattern in this group, and after hanging out a few late nights Jenna had began to wonder why he’d never flirted with her. After all, they had really good chemistry and they would be playing a couple on the show. She called him out on it and he spilled the beans on a girl he just couldn’t get out of his head. He said he’d wanted so badly to move on, but he was just stuck on this hope that he would see her again.

“Yeah.” The smile on Parker’s face told just how amazing the night truly was.

“What is going to happened with you two?”
“Are you going to see him again?”
“Do you really like him?”

Parker froze for a moment while questions came from all ends of the Earth, or so it seemed like to her.

“I don’t know, anything. I don’t know.” She remained calm, but her tone was stern. They came to a stop at their house and silence fell over the car - a very awkward silence. The girls all stepped out of the car and said their goodbyes, planning to meet again soon. After Lea and Jenna drove away both Dianna and Parker made it into the house. Parker looked at the clock while Dianna closed the door behind them, both girls already beginning to strip down to get ready for bed. It was just past 2 o’clock in the morning and they were equally exhausted.

Dianna spent most of the night enraptured in a girl she just couldn’t get enough of. Every word that came out of her mouth made her simply want more. It didn’t seem as if anything she said could be wrong. Parker had gone back in the club to spend the rest of the evening with Kevin’s arms around her, giving each other silent stares in the midst of all the music. Both of them had just want to leave together, as Dianna had presumed, but this time the agreed to slow down, if only now for they had many mutual friends.

Soon after Dianna crawled into her bed Parker followed behind her, still so much on her mind that she wanted to talk about. Both girls huddled under the covers, in that moment where you’re just cold enough to regret turning on the fan full blast but know in just a moment you’ll feel comfortable when the sheets have warmed you up. Parker’s thoughts were whizzing around her head like a tornado and she was sure Dianna was feeling the same way. She started to think of all the reasons she was so scared, of all the things that had happened the last several months. She had done a good job letting things out tonight; she figured after several minutes that she might be able to continue the trend.

“I was pregnant.” Dianna was silent to Parker’s confession, but Parker just kept talking. She didn’t need a real conversation right now; she just wanted to get it off her chest once and for all.

She continued, “I realized it about six weeks after the night I spent with him. It was the second period I missed, since I’d missed one a couple weeks after. I didn’t think anything of the first one, because I was just depressed and stressed out from everything.”

She took a deep breath, looking directly at the ceiling as she recalled everything, “He was my first. I let my high school boyfriend feel me up once, just out of pity for being such a prude. Kevin was nothing like that though. He made me feel like I was on fire, just by looking at me. I didn’t regret it.”

Her thoughts were so scattered, she could barely stay on topic. “I wanted to keep it.” Her eyes were beginning to water, just letting herself go back to the time she blocked out completely before this second. Dianna was still silent; Parker figured she was in shock.

“I started working double shifts at the preschool, from 8 o’clock to 6 o’clock. I couldn’t sleep, because all I could think about was how I was going to be a mother. I was strangely excited.” A smile crept up on her face as a tear escaped.

“I missed Kevin so much, because he gave this life to me. This life I really wanted to share with him, but I knew I couldn’t. He had a life without me. I had just turned nineteen, I wasn’t really thinking clearly. That didn’t matter to me, though. I was going to raise this baby.” Parker threw her hand up to wipe away another tear, enjoying being able to let this all out, though it was killing her to remember.

“I wasn’t eating, because I felt sick all the time. I figured I deserved it, as if I was punishing myself for something I couldn’t control.” Her throat was tightening, and she was finding it harder to speak.

She carried on the best she could, “I couldn’t go to the doctor, because I was saving every penny for when the baby came.” Her heart stopped beating for a moment as she tried her hardest to recollect the last few details.

“One day I came home from work and I’d been having really bad cramping. I didn’t think much of it; I’ve never been pregnant before. I know nothing about pregnancy; I thought it was supposed to suck. I ignored it. But before I knew it…” She stopped, tears now cascading down her cheeks onto the pillow beneath her. Dianna still hadn’t spoken, not a peep.

“There was blood everywhere. I kept telling myself it would be okay. I couldn’t go to the hospital, I couldn’t afford it.” Her voice was growing weaker. “I was bleeding for hours, it just wouldn’t stop. I finally went to the emergency room.”

It all rushed back to her, down to the smell of the hospital. The patients and doctors running around frantically as she stumbled in with her blood soaked clothes. She must have looked like trash, not caring for herself or her unborn child.

“It was a girl.” She remembered the doctor telling her, like she wanted to know. As if telling her that would make her feel any better about what was happening? “They couldn’t save her.” Her crying had ceased now, as she grew numb all over again. She had been sixteen weeks along,

The baby was the reason she withdrew herself, and the reason she was so terrified now to see Kevin again. “I couldn’t go back to the preschool. Seeing all the children just made me want to slit my wrists in a bathtub or jump off a bridge somewhere.” That’s why she went back into acting, after being in theater throughout high school, because she could be someone other than her. She had despised herself. So, starting at the bottom she was an extra. She felt that’s all she deserved, just a face in the background.

Parker looked over at Dianna, finally, for her reaction. She noticed then, that she was fast asleep. She had passed out as soon as her head had hit the pillow. Dianna was strange in the way that she never let anything bother her. She was always so optimistic; she knew life would work itself out. Therefore, she seemed to drift off to sleep easier than most people.

Parker reverted her eyes back to the ceiling, letting out a sigh of relief. Though it was nice to speak about what had happened, she figured it was better left untold. She was thankful though, that she’d met Dianna. She had given her a reason to look ahead. She taught her how to be hopeful again in the short two months she had known her. Parker had met Dianna directly after losing her baby, though. She had no real time to cope or mourn. She knew she wasn’t ready to have a child, but that didn’t make it any easier. She blamed herself for letting it happened, for both getting pregnant and losing her.

Parker crawled out of Dianna’s bed, walking into the kitchen to get a glass of water and take a second to take the night in. She didn’t want to push Kevin away, he wasn’t even aware of anything that had happened. She knew she was scared, but if she learned anything from losing her baby she knew she didn’t want to lose someone else that she loved. Love? Wait what?

As she lifted the glass to her lips Parker was startled by a knock on the front door. Scantily clothed in only a baggy t-shirt, she wondered if she should change before answering. Thinking it was simply either Lea or Jenna who had maybe forgotten something, she shrugged it off. She swung the door open, swiftly.

“Kevin?” Parker exclaimed, surprised to see him standing in front of her. His eyes had a hard time staying focused on her eyes, seeing her half dressed in front of him.

“I had to see you again.” Kevin shuffled his feet, hoping she would ask him inside. A cold breeze brushed past them both, into the house.

“It’s three in the morning, Kevin. I just saw you.” Parker declared, knowing she was only short with him because she found it sweet that he came out of his way. She crossed her arms, trying to keep warm from the dessert air coming in on a cold November night. “How did you know where we lived?”

“I followed you all here. I’ve been waiting outside, wondering if I should come up for an hour.” Kevin scrunched his face up as he thought about what he just said, “It sounds more stalkerish saying it out loud.” They both laughed. How she adored his laugh. She did an eye roll before motioning him inside.

“Don’t act so excited.” He remarked, taking her hand in his after she closed the door. She found herself in his eyes again, lost.

“I thought we were going to take this slow, Kev.” She was entranced, caught in a space between heaven and Earth. He let his hand run up the length of her arm, sending chills down them. She could feel the goosebumps. She felt like she could just stand here forever and that would be okay.

He didn’t answer. “I’m cold, will you come lay in bed with me?” Parker asked him. He nodded his head, following her back into her bedroom where she crawled into bed for the second time tonight. She was positive to make this time better than the first. He made her forget any bad thing that had ever happened to her. Not as if it had never happened, but that it didn’t matter. All she was… was good enough for him. She was no longer someone who didn’t matter, the face in the background, the girl who didn’t deserve anything. In his world, she was exactly who he wanted.

She glanced over at him, moving awkwardly across the bed towards her. “You can take your jeans off, silly.” She snickered, watching his cheeks turn rosy. She watched him remove his jeans, biting her lip hard as she did. Good grief, he is so sexy. As they fell to the floor and he stepped out of them slowly she pulled the covers up and waited for him to join her. He scooted up next to her, letting her rest her head on his shoulder. Parker scooted closer, feeling his body getting closer to hers. She moved her legs over his to warm herself, skin touching skin. The heat between them was undeniable, yet they were trying their best to hold back.

He looked down at her, pressing his lips against her forehead softly. She shifted slightly, allowing him to slide further down. This allowed their bodies to rub against each other, making it hard for him stop. Feeling her right next to him, with nothing but a thin piece of cloth covering her. He couldn’t stand not being able to experience her like he wanted to. In a second his lips were against her neck, driving her into an entirely new level of arousal. She couldn’t say ‘no’ any more. His kisses began to grow more rapid. Parker grabbed onto his arm tightly, pulling him up towards her. Clothes began to disappear. In that moment nothing else mattered. In that moment nothing could harm them.

In that moment they were one.